Have you
ever heard about the Parental Power Virus (PPV)? No you haven’t
because I just created the term. It took me decades, after
working with countless parents, to come up with this term. The
term is new, but the “virus” has been around for thousands of
years. PPV is dangerous and deadly. It is not a medical
problem but a sociological one. PPV is the need for parents to
maintain control by making very, very, very strict, unreasonable
rules for obedience.
You may
have read my article, “22 Stupid Things Parents Do to Mess up
their
Children’s Lives,” and learned about some stupid things
parents do. Today I am focusing on a challenge in parenting I
did not mention in that article. It is perhaps the essence of
who parents are and why parents do what they do. It is about
parental power and authority. Parents who misinterpret and
misuse this God-given power and authority over children have
what I call the Parental Power Virus (PPV). The PPV, when
spread to children, causes the Parental Power Syndrome
(PPS)--serious emotional, psychological, and developmental
problems.
Parental Power Syndrome
The
dictionary defines “syndrome”
as “the association of several clinically recognizable features,
symptoms, phenomena or characteristics that often occur
together.” In the context of this article, PPS occurs when
parental misuse of power and authority causes maladaptive
behavior, rebellion, emotional distress, suicide, anxiety,
eating disorders, behavioral disorders, compulsive disorders,
learning disorders, and many other psychological disorders in
children.
Parental Power Virus
How do we
know when parents have PPV? Some indicators that parents have
PPV are: (1) parents holding onto traditions that do not make
sense or are no longer relevant; (2) parents refusing to reason
and evaluate their methods of parenting, especially when it is
not effective; (3) parents getting an initial state of euphoria
from punishing their children, then switching to feelings of
anger and rage when children do not respond favorably; (4)
parents saying statements like “I am the boss around here,” or
“Shut up, I am older than you,” or “Just do as I say,” or
“Bring your ugly self here;” (5) parents threatening to kill or
cause bodily harm when children embarrass them publicly.
Parents are Powerful
Most, if
not all children, naturally love and trust their parents, even
if they do not live with them. Very young children depend on
their parents to teach and guide them. It is during the early
years that blind child obedience (obedience without question)
takes place. Parents are happy because they perceive that their
parenting skills are successful. In most cases they are not
successful because small children do not reason and are not yet
aware that they have the power of choice. As children get older
and start to reason, they challenge their parents who cannot
respond appropriately because they are infected by PPV. Hence
children develop PPS. Full-blown PPS causes mayhem, violence,
murder, rape, and many other criminal acts.
Today
there are thousand of children who have full-blown PPS and
thousand more parents have PPV. We need a cure, and a cure
fast. Just as people infected with HIV must seek medical help
to begin the healing process, parents must also seek help to
change their parenting practices. This is the only way we can
stop the violence in our society. The only antidote for the PPV
is love. True love softens the heart, quiets the spirit, and
tempers the thoughts. The love that comes from Jesus is supreme
love that’s needed today. How can parents get this “love
cure?” They get this love cure by humbly admitting that they
need to be educated to be parents. Proper parental education
does not reduce parental authority; it enhances it and helps
parents to channel it in a positive direction. Get rid of the
Parental Power Virus today. Admit that you need help and seek
it diligently.
Barrington Brennen is a marriage and family therapist. Send your
questions to
question@soencouragment.org
or call 242-327-1980 or visit
www.soencouragement.org
