The Luxury of Being Tired
By
Barrington H. Brennen, September 9, 2014, 2020
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Barrington H. Brennen |
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Voices are screaming from every corner of the house.
The telephone is ringing off the hook. The food is on
the stove. The television is blasting the children’s
afternoon special. While the food is cooking you are
about to start preparing the little ones’ school
uniforms for the next day. Grammy is calling for some
assistance at her home. The washing machine is active
with the week’s laundry. The house is dirty and you must
do some cleaning before your guests arrive. Just when
you are about to catch your breath a little one runs in
crying because he just fell down and bruised his knee.
You must pause and be the family doctor right now.
Although you arrived home from work very tired, you
cannot enjoy the gift of being tired. The work has to
go on. You must be the super woman to do two full-time
jobs—in and out of the home—and do them very well. The
children’s needs have to be met. They are younger and
fragile. They would not understand. So, even though
you feel like pulling your hair out and screaming, you
must keep your composure. The children must not know
that you are about to fall out. They must not know that
you want to scream. They must never know that you are
excruciatingly tired and weak. Your back and head are
bursting with pain. Pain killers are not helping. The
children must never know that you are just a pill away
from going crazy. You will never enjoy the natural
gift of being tired until you end up in bed sick—dead
sick. Even when in bed, away from the children, your
head is spinning, wondering how to make the next day
easier. But it is impossible all alone. When will you
ever be able to truly enjoy one of life’s gifts of
rejuvenation—tiredness? Is it only a mirage in the
distance of your life—truly a luxury you cannot
afford? What should be a natural health gift as a
result of a hard day's work is a difficult-to-obtain,
quite expensive, luxurious amenity—tiredness. How
ridiculous!
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"What should be a natural health
gift as a result of a hard day's
work is a difficult-to-obtain, quite
expensive, luxurious
amenity—tiredness.
How ridiculous!"
|
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But where is your partner? Where is your husband? Is he
somewhere enjoying the luxury of being tired? That’s
not fair. Has he assumed that you can handle all this
work because he is “working the hardest” and bringing in
more cash. Where is the one who cuddled with you in a
soft bed of love and passion to create the formula for
your offsprings? Now it seems as though you were just a
place for him to plant his seeds. Yes, at first he
seemed so caring, loving and tender. Initially his
presence provided the sunshine and the rain to help
mature the growing relationship and the little ones.
But now his promised care and love has diminished into
the thin air leaving only behind the skeleton of your
love. There is no more sunshine in your life. Perhaps
when you get old and your body is twisted and in pain
from arthritis and hypertension, you will be able to
experience what it means to be tired.
WHAT’S SO GOOD ABOUT BEING TIRED?
Why is being tired so important? Tiredness is the
result of the body and brain doing physical and mental
labor which requires one to stop, rest and rejuvenate
before going on. Tiredness is nature’s a warning tool
to allow humans not to go too far and work ourselves to
pieces. Tiredness is to protect us from becoming
mentally and physically ill. Imagine not being able to
get tired. It would be as bad as not being able to
feel pain. One can have a serious deep wound and not be
aware that he or she is profusely losing blood that can
lead to death. Similarly, when one cannot respond to or
is not being allowed to respond to tiredness in
appropriate ways (rest, sleep, change), it impacts
seriously his or her health that may lead to a very
slow, painful death. Could it be that husbands who do
not allow their spouses to enjoy the gift of being tired
are actually killing them slowly?
We
know that chronic tiredness causes chronic stress.
Research tells us that “stress can change the size of
your brain (and make it smaller).” Bell Beth Cooper, a
co-founder of Exist, a personal analytics platform to
help you track and understand your life, states in her
article on tiredness that a study found that in “rats
who were exposed to chronic stress, the hippocampuses in
their brains actually shrank. The hippocampus is
integral to forming memories. It has been debated before
whether Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can
actually shrink the hippocampus, or people with
naturally smaller hippocampuses are just more prone to
PTSD. This study could point to the stress being a
factor in actually changing the brain.”
Sometimes overworked mothers discover that they are
having problems with their memory. Research tells us
that if they could get small naps each day their memory
will improve. It is imperative that these over-worked,
tired mothers pause and enjoy their tiredness. Take
some naps.
WHAT TO DO?
I appeal to all husbands to make sure that you are
actively involved in the nurture and care of the
family. It is not only the responsibility of the
mother. Do not allow the mother of your children to
labor hard at work and at home and not be able to take a
rest. It is imperative that you never underestimate
the effects of your spouse's work on her physique and
her brain. Note that even sitting behind a desk all day
working can be as tiresome as one who is mixing concrete
with his hands on the outside.
It does not matter how early you have to leave home to
go to work. It is also your responsibility to care for
the home and its occupants. It is not right for the
mother to sacrifice her schedule, recreation enjoyment,
meals, rest, etc., while you come home when you want to
and do not participate in household chores. Get
involved. Love your family. Let your wife enjoy the
gift of tiredness. She will live longer and healthier.
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and
family therapist. Send your questions or comments
to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com or
write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas, or
visit www.soencouragement.org or
call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002
