Who comes to
your church to worship each week? Who are the members of your
church? What kind of individuals and families units come to
your church for instruction, inspiration or healing? Are you
are aware of the different types of family units that come to
your church each weekend; each one with their own needs and
challenges and each with different expectations. Knowing about
these family units and learning how to meet the unique needs of
each family unit, are important to effective ministry.
Unfortunately, even if we are aware of some of the unique
family units that come to church each week, the language or
rhetoric from the pulpit does not really match the needs of the
every listener. For example, although divorce is not ideal but
often necessary at times, we forget that there are countless
divorcees worshiping each week and the language focuses only on
“healthy married couples or families.”
We know
that it is not God’s plan for any one to drink or become an
alcoholic, however, on many weekends there are countless of
individual who are struggling with the desires to drink. What
do we do instead? We condemn and criticize. Too often the
pulpit is used to push down people’s throats how to behave and
not offering healing or encouragement. These are “hell-fire”
sermons that only talk about the importance of “not sinning” but
never talks about helping the struggling sinner.
There are too many “hell-fire” preachers today who think they
are actually spreading the gospel but instead they are creating
“toxic faith.” It is a pathetic approach to the gospel. Too
many preachers have forgotten that Jesus said “come to Me all
who are heavy laden and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28-29.
See also
Isaiah 58:3-12)
30 TYPES OF FAMILY UNITS IN
YOUR CHURCH
Below is a list of 30 types of
family units that might be in your church each weekend. Ask
yourself if your church is truly meeting the needs of each of
these units. I created this list several years ago to help us
to think how effectively we are reaching everyone. Here is the
list with brief explanations when necessary.
Note that each type of family unit has it own
unique challenges and opportunities that
requires a sensitive, caring response from the
church.
-
Nuclear families (married mom
and dad with children)
-
One married parent with
dependents while the other parent is in prison
-
Never-married single adult
families (mom or dad alone with children)
-
Divorced with no children
-
Divorced with dependent
children
-
Separated with dependent
children
-
Separated with no dependent
children
-
Widowed with dependent
children
-
Widowed with no children
-
Step and blended families
(One or both adults have children for previous marriage or
relationship)
-
Extended families (Adult
relatives (not parents) living together with children
-
Grandparent with dependent
children.
-
Teenager with young
siblings. This is surprisingly common in our country.
-
Common-law relationship
(long-term adults living together with no commitment or
plans to marry)
-
Seasonal (or nomadic) union.
When on partner lives aboard for extremely long periods or
permanent only seeing each other annually or very rare
occasions.
-
Emotionally separated or
divorced union. This is a husband and wife who are living
together but are going through severe problems and refuses
to improve or refuses to divorce.
-
Affair-compromised union.
One partner is aware that the other partner is having an
affair and either tolerate or accept it. Or the innocent
partner finds it difficult to leave because of financial
reasons.
-
Same-sex union/marriage. Yes, some of
these couples are in your church.
-
Homosexual/lesbian adult
living alone.
-
Transgender/transsexual
individuals living alone or with other adults or family
members
-
Racially or ethnically mixed
couples/families. (race, language or nationality)
-
A single, heterosexual,
emerging adult (age 18-25) living with other single emerging
adults (all non married males and/or females) - Communal
living.
-
Single adults (one man and
one woman-heterosexuals) living together before marriage
(shaking up)
-
Senior family member (very
old) who has Alzheimer's, or Dementia, or other mental
challenges living with other family members.
-
A family unit with a severely
developmentally disabled child/adult (Autistic, Down
Syndrome, etc)
-
A family unit with a wounded
war veteran.
-
A family unit with a member
who has a long-term physical illness (Crohn’s disease,
cancer, kidney failure and on dialysis, AIDS, etc)
-
Aged retired couple living
alone with severe limitations.
-
Spiritually single family
unit. One spouse is a Christian or religious or both
partners are of different faiths or religions.
-
High profile leaders’ family
unit. (This can include government leaders, pastors, or any
one in a high profile position). Too often children and
spouses of high profile leaders are neglected.
Did you find
this list helpful? If you can think of another kind of family
unit please send your suggestion to the email or address at the
end of this article. Note that this list can multiply ten-fold
when you add dysfunctional
behavior. For example: alcoholism,
pathological gambling, prostitution, drug addiction, etc. Each
one of these dysfunctions can be applied to any family unit.
Do you realize that most of the sermons on Saturdays or Sundays
are geared to the nuclear family unit only, which constitutes in
many congregations less that one-third of all family units? Even
the person who gives the main prayer often forgets to mention
the singles parents, never-married-singles, divorcees, widows,
drug users, recovering homosexuals and alcoholics, etc., who are
members of the church. We love to pray for the “healthy husbands
and wives” and “families” but we neglect to mention persons or
family units in our churches who have also been “washed by the
blood of the Lamb.” We say that the church is a hospital for
sick people; so let us not keep them sick by not meeting their
needs. This weekend make a special note of all those kinds of
families units who come to church. Write me and let me know of
the different family units you noticed in your church. I would
really like to hear from you.
Barrington
H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist, and board
certified clinical psychotherapist, USA. Send your questions or
comments to
barringtonbrennen@gmail.com or call 242-327-1980
or 242-477 4002, or
write to P.O. Box CB-11045, Nassau, The Bahamas; or visit
www.soencouragement.org
