The Butterfly
Principle
By Barrington H. Brennen,
February 19, 2014
PFD Format
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Barrington H. Brennen |
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Do
you know why a butterfly would land on your hands when you
hold it out? According to my research it is because
butterflies are attracted to moisture particles on your
hands. Some experts say that if you put water sweetened
with sugar on your hands, butterflies will come to drink the
water. It is all about the moisture. I would like to use
this as an allegory to illustrate how loving relationships
work.
If
the “butterflies” around you are not landing on your
“hands,” it might be due to the lack of “moisture” on your
hands.” The “butterflies” represent the people you come in
contact with each day. The “hands” represent the
relationships you seek to foster each day. As the
butterflies are attracted to the hands feel safe to land,
trusting that you will not crush it to death, so it should
be with people around you. Do you have “moisture” in your
hands? Are people attracted to you or are you a pain in the
neck? We are to take the time to create “moisture” on our
hands so that others around us will be attracted to us and
feel safe to “land.”
WHAT IS THE “MOISTURE”
The
“moisture” on your hands is a symbol of the attitudes we are
to have so that others will feel emotionally safe to be in
our presence. It is also about having an attitude that is
so “sweet” that others cannot help but be attracted to us.
To illustrate further, here are five behavioral attitudes
that can create “moisture” on our “hands.”
-
Unconditional acceptance: Unconditional
acceptance is being able to understand and
tolerate the qualities of the person you love, work or
live with, no matter what it is. “This doesn’t mean that
you must accept everything that person does especially
if it’s inappropriate and rude. What it does mean is to
forgive them and try to work past these problems and if
that’s not possible, distance yourself and show them
some tough love. How wonderful it would be if everyone
in our society just accepted everyone as worthy of
appreciation and respect. There is no prerequisite the
persons would have to demonstrate to be accepted. The
person would know that his speech accent, color or skin,
race, educational level, gender, sexual orientation, is
not a barrier to being accepted in society.
-
Unconditional loving: This is loving anyone
regardless of income level, nationality, ethnicity,
race, etc. Unconditional love is affection without any
limitations. This generally means to love someone . . .
no matter what they do or who they are. This does not
actually mean you do not see their fault but you just
love them despite everything. An example of this is a
parent's unconditional love for their child; no matter a
test score, a life changing decision, an argument, or a
strong belief, the amount of love that remains between
this bond is seen as unchanging and unconditional.
This scripture passage speaks directly to this topic:
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers
over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Note the word
“deeply” suggests that it is not superficial. It is
profound and meaningful. Also the word “cover” does not
mean to hide or ignore. It is about not holding wrong
against the person. This version of the text make is
clearer. From the New Living Translation it says: “Most
of all, love each other steadily and unselfishly,
because love makes up for many faults.”
-
An attitude of forgiveness: At attitude of
forgiveness is greatly needed in our society. It is the
willingness to make amends, to see the other person’s
point of views and to not hold grudges. We would have
less violence if more of us demonstrated this attitude
of forgiveness. Colossians 3:13 “Bearing with one
another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a
complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you,
so you also must do.” If most of us claim to be
Christians, then this attitude of forgiveness must be
clearly demonstrated among us. Forgiveness is not
amnesia. Forgiveness is a decision not to hold the
wrong-doing against the persons who have caused you
pain. However, forgiveness does not eliminate
accountability. If someone stole something from you,
that persons can be forgiven but making amends it still
appropriate. Restitution is an important part of
building a healthy society.
-
A spirit of compassion and kindness: “Genuine
compassion is based not on our own projections and
expectations, but rather on the rights of the other:
irrespective of whether another person is a close friend
or an enemy, as long as that person wishes for peace and
happiness and wishes to overcome suffering, then on that
basis we develop a genuine concern for his or her
problems. This is genuine compassion. Compassion can be
demonstrated by helping persons who are needy, homeless,
rejected, and abandoned. Our fragile economy today is
making it more imperative for us to be compassionate and
kind. There are many who are hurting in our society
today. Some who do not have money to buy food to eat or
even a soft bed to sleep on. Let us be compassionate
and kind to everyone.
-
A gentle spirit: Having a gentle spirit also
means one is humble enough to listen, change, work with
others and has an attitude of cooperation. The Greek
Word most often translated as gentleness is from the
word “prautes” and has no meaning of aggression at all.
It is from the same root word as "meekness." Common
meanings of gentle are kind and amiable, as well as
"free from harshness, sternness, or violence." We do
need more people in our society with a “gentle spirit.”
There is far too much aggression, harshness, and
violence. Even the way we speak is to demonstrate a
“gentle spirit.” Our tone of voice, choice of words,
and often rudeness, is a turn onto others. Let us
display a gentle spirit among us. Are you a gentle
spirit or a pain in the neck?
STOP CONDEMNING
Far
too many of us are so busy criticizing and condemning each
other that we have lost of the attractiveness we once had as
a people. We need to get rid of the self-righteous,
self-exalting, loveless attitudes. We have become “dry” and
“dull” people. We need to make the effort to create
“moisture” on our “hands.” Christian comedian, Mark Lowry
said these profound words:
"Love the sinner, hate the sin?
How about: Love the sinner, hate your own sin!
I don't have time to hate your sin. There are too many of
you!
Hating my sin is a full-time job. How about you hate your
sin,
I'll hate my sin and let's just love each other!"
Wow!
This is profound. To illustrate the importance of being
vulnerable and genuine, Mark Lowry also said these words:
"We don't help people by showing them our trophies.
We help them by showing them our scars."
Ancient Chinese philosopher and poet (604-531 BC) Tao Tzu,
said these profound words:
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
Let
us start deeply loving each other. Create some moisture on
your hands today by unconditionally accepting and loving of
everyone, having an attitude of forgiveness, a spirit of
compassion and kindness, and a gentle spirit.
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist and
board certified clinical psychotherapist, USA. Send your
questions or comments to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com or
write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas, or visit www.soencouragement.org or
call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002.
