Dads, you
should be the first male to hug your daughters. Moms, you
should be the first female to hug your sons. These hugs
are not to be superficial. They are to be intentional,
special and purposeful, although not romantic. Dads, if
you do not hug your daughters from birth and throughout
their growing years you are increasing the risk of your
daughters being abused or misused by the first male who hug
them. They can misunderstand the non-verbal cues and
sensations. They might melt in his arms from the
“tenderness” and attention making them vulnerable and a
target for abuse. Moms, you can also protect your sons
from being abusive toward women and abused by others by
hugging them from birth and throughout their teen years.
This is a
part of sex education. This illustrates why total sex
education cannot be taught in the classroom. A teacher
cannot demonstrate tenderness, affection, and intimacy by
holding and touching a student. That would not be
appropriate. The classroom can mostly provide the theory
but the emotional and practical is “caught” from the
demonstration of parents in the home. One author said
“we're just talking about the good, old-fashioned bear hug
that generates nothing but warmth, affection and a feeling
of acceptance.”
It is
important to touch and hug your children through their lives
to reduce the risk of them interpreting every touch as
sexual or romantically sensual. Also, parents can teach
what is appropriate touching, holding and hugging. Too
often I meet young children and teenagers who cannot
remember being touched lovingly or being hugged by their
parents or significant others in their lives. When this
kind of loving is not active it increases the possibility of
the child unknowingly or deliberately seeking for the
attention. Sexual activity begins as a way of seeking
attention and love. This increases the possibility of
pregnancy or obtaining sexually transmitted infections.
Dads, do
you realize that your children and expecting and wanting you
to hug them. They crave for your hugging and when they are
continually disappointed by not receiving hugs they become
disappointed or angry and sometimes rebellious. Then you
punish them for their “defiant” behavior but all they need
is lots of hugs.
I like
this quote from “Hug Your Child” online article: “Hugging is
healthy, for the body and the soul. Hugging is hygienic. It
boosts self-esteem and brings about a sense of security in a
way no word can. Hugging reaches inside and touches your
soul. The world may heal a bit if hugging increases, so do
your bit. Get your body into action.”
Hug you
child everyday. On author said you should “Hug your child
first thing in the morning, when you say goodbye, when
you're re-united, at bedtime, and often in between. If your
tween or teen rebuffs your advances when she first walks in
the door, realize that with older kids you have to ease into
the connection.” Parents, if you have never hugged your
child like this you need to start slowly. Do not engage a
bear hug first. You might get pushed away. You might need
to start by serving breakfast in bed, giving foot rubs,
etc.
Health
professional, Robert Giesler, states in his article
“Cuddling Does Kids Good” the benefits of touching and
cuddling of infants and growing children. The are:
-
Creating a healthy sense of personal boundaries
-
Encouraging calmness and relaxation
-
Improving muscle tone and circulation
-
Improving pulmonary and immune functions
-
Improving sleep patterns
-
Lowering anxiety and stress
-
Reducing discomfort from teething, congestion, colic and
emotional stress
-
Strengthening digestive, circulatory and
gastrointestinal systems
If these
benefits are evident among infants and growing children,
then what about teens and adults? Could it be that we are
wounding our children by not hugging them every day? Could
it be that we are creating a cold, angry society because of
the lack of hugging in the homes?
The truth
is that far too many do not live in homes or environments
where hugging is possible. Dysfunctional behavior is more
common. Anger, disappointment, hatred, jealously, addiction
of all kinds, promiscuity, is more common. Parents, if you
would hug your teenagers everyday you may reduce pre-marital
sex, teenage pregnancy and promiscuity. You would build
self-confidence, courage, discipline, and self-worth in your
children.
I appeal
to fathers today to start hugging your daughters. I appeal
to mothers today to start hugging your sons. In fact hug
all your children and never stop. My 85-year-old father
still hugs me and it feels good. Fathers, take your
daughter and son on dates. Moms, do the same thing.
Hugging can make a difference. Start today.
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist. Send your
questions or comments to
question@soencouragement.org or
write to P.O. Box CB-11045, Nassau, The Bahamas, or visit www.soencouragement.org or
call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002
