WRITER'S NOTE ADDED IN APRIL 2020: I do believe that some
individuals can cease having same sex attractions and/or cease having same
sex relationships. However, I am also aware that a percentage of
individuals who desire not to have same sex attraction, are not successful,
even with sincere prayer and a meaningful relationship with Jesus. I
sincerely believe that these individuals are equally as normal and
spiritual as all the others. I also know that reparative therapy does not
work for everyone. In other words, many sincere people will be attractive
romantically or sexually to persons of the opposite sex for their entire
life.
The story you are about to read is a true. It is a story about overcoming
homosexuality by Willa Medinger as told to Bod Davies. Willia Medinger is a
gifted counselor living in the United states. Bod Davies is a director of Exodus
International, an American organization to minister to those desiring to have
freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ. In the story you
are about to read, Willa Medinger is sharing about the homosexual life of her
husband and how it affected their marriage. This story is printed with
permission.
THE STORY
I first got to know my future husband when Alan and I were in elementary
school. He had a lot of good-looking girls who liked him, but he liked me best
of all. We began dating defense; it seemed like anytime someone really liked me,
I’d say that. He was so level-headed, always saving in ninth grade. I remember
thinking in my silly mind, I really don’t like him! But that was
a for the future. I’d think, What a bore! But after college when
I began to see some of the realities of life, I realized these things in Alan
were wonderful characteristics. I began to love him more and more. When Alan
asked me to marry him, I accepted. Unknown to me, he had already been involved
in homosexuality for seven years.
The first two years of our marriage were ideal. We had a wonderful time, but
then after our two girls were born, all kinds of things began to come out from
my childhood, a variety of insecurities and anxieties. I think many problems
Alan had faced early in life began resurfacing for him, too. After about five
years of marriage, things really began to go downhill between us.
Just before this time, I had come to know Jesus in a personal way. One night
I had a vision, I was out in the middle of the ocean on a boat, and I saw the
Lord out in the water. He kept telling me to jump and I said, "you know I
am terrified of water, I can’t do it." And He said, "I’ll catch
you."
Finally I jumped and I remember sinking for a long time. Then Jesus pulled me
up and out of the water. I guess the Lord was preparing me for the future. I
still had no idea of Alan’s sexual involvement with other men. But within six
months of that vision, life became hell for Alan and me. He was unable to give
to me at any level as he got even further into homosexual behavior. I felt more
and more destroyed as a person. Several yeas passed, then a friend of ours who
was homosexual came to live with our family. My response when I found out
someone had a problem was to go to the library and take out every book I can
find on the subject–then set about to"fix" the person.
So I began to read about ten books on homosexuality. As I read, I began to
realize that the preconditioning factors were right there in Alan’s life. It
was very difficult for me to accept, but it became very apparent to me that
homosexuality was a problem in Alan’s life. But I never confronted him about
it. Perhaps I was afraid of losing him. And I never spoke to anyone else about
what I suspected. I had this knowledge tin my heart for five years but I never
expressed it to anyone. God was the only one I communicated with on any honest
basis for those years. Then I began to attend a prayer group. As I became more
in touch with the Lord, delving deeper into the Bible and prayer, I heard Him
say to me, "you have to let Alan go." I had to stop mothering him. I
had to stop building a perfect rose-colored world to cover the mess our lives
had become.
God showed me that He was unable to deal with Alan because I insisted in
shielding him from the pain. I was saying, "I can take better care of him
than God can." It was only a month after I decided to really give Alan to
the Lord that his life was totally changed.
It was November 26, 1974. Before Alan left for a prayer meeting where he
accepted Jesus Christ into his life, he said, "Say good-bye to me. You’ll
never see this person again." When he came home that night, I knew
something had happened. When your husband hasn’t touched you in two years,
then comes in after a prayer meeting and is chasing after you, you know there
has been changed. It took a few days for Alan to realize how great his healing
had been. He found that he no longer wanted to smoke or drink. He was even
different with the children. But the greatest change was how much he fell in
love with me.
About a month later, Alan can to me and said he wanted to talk. I could see
that he was very distressed. As he began trying to talk, I asked him, "You
were gay, weren’t you?" He was absolutely astonished; he had no idea that
I knew. After that talk, emotions began to surface that I had no idea existed
inside of me. I felt like a raving lunatic. The primary emotion was rage. I used
to weep for God to take it away, but it grew even more intense. After church one
Sunday, I came home and the feelings were uncontrollable. I grabbed hold of Alan
and beat him with both fists, screaming, "I hate you! I hate you!" He
was able to just stand there, realizing that God was finally allowing these ugly
things to come out of me.
Then I dropped down on the couch in an exhausted stupor for about three
hours. When I got up, I felt different from I’d felt in years. But rage
continued to pour out of me. I also experienced great difficulty with our sexual
relationship. But God began healing me. The beginning of the journey to
wholeness was finding out who I was. When I was a girl, I became what my mother
wanted. Then I married Alan and became what he wanted. But I never found myself.
Se I began listening to God, seeking to find identity in Him. When He whispered
to my heart about who I was, it would bring tears to my eyes. The things He
would say were so very wonderful. He was so loving and encouraging. That’s how
the person God created inside of me began to come forth.
Then some of the tougher steps came in, such as telling Alan when I was
upset, when something he had done angered me, and when I felt lonely. I had to
honestly confront him, and stop centering my life around him and his needs. I
had always been a people-pleaser, doing things I didn’t want to, just so
others would think I was wonderful. I began to love Alan as I began to love
myself. Finally I cold relate to my husband as a man. I not longer had to look
at him as my little boy. I didn’t have to control him, to keep from being
vulnerable. I had always been afraid of masculine men, but I’m not anymore.
The things that have changed in Alan are the things that I love most about
him. I love being a woman now, having a husband who challenges me to be the best
person I can be. I have to tell you about another beautiful thing the Lord gave
us. In 1976, I became pregnant. The doctor gave some solemn warnings to us about
me giving birth to a child at 40. I’d had to miscarriages, but it was an ideal
pregnancy from beginning to end. Alan was the most wonderful husband during this
time; he helped me through every step, and I felt his love so intensely. I can’t
remember a happier time in my whole life. When Steven was born, he was blue for
two whole minutes. But the anesthetist got him breathing and his brain was not
damage in any way. In my heart, I heard God say, "You never have to fear
again." Our son was a sign to me that Alan would never go back to his
previous lifestyle. Today, our son is in college and is a Christian leader on
campus. His looks, voice, and behavior are all reminiscent of Alan. We are proud
of him. Every time I look at Steven, I am reminded of the great miracle God has
worked in my marriage. As long as He is in control of my life, I know that I
have nothing to fear. END OF STORY. Can homosexuals change? Yes!
YOU CAN FIND HELP
If you would like to find out more information about freedom over
homosexuality or for books and materials on homosexuality seek this website:
Changed Ministries
Barrington H. Brennen, counseling psychologist and marriage and family
therapist. You can reach me at
info@soencouragement.org
or
call at
242-327 1980 or write to P.O. Box CB-11045, Nassau,
Bahamas.