I
have noticed something that, during recent years, has become
one of my concerns. It is how freely parents display their
children’s end-of-term school grades, and sometimes the
actual report cards on FaceBook and other social media
sites. Each time I see this I ask the question: “Why are
these parents doing this?”
Is the displaying of grades on social media too much
information to share? Yes. I remember when the world was
private. Certain parts of our lives were not known to the
world. Now we are living in a digital world, and without a
cost we can actually expose ourselves to the world. Things
like when we are on a vacation, out shopping, what we just
bought from a store, etc. I like the idea of sharing, but
how much is too much?
When it comes to displaying one’s little child’s grades on
FaceBook, it is my view that doing this can be in the long
run, emotionally wounding to the child. Actually, most times
it is just boosting the parent’s ego. “See how good MY
CHILD is.” I am also troubled when I see college students
put their Grade Point Average (GPA) on Facebook and boast of
being on the Dean’s List or Principal’s List, etc.
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"Parents, when you post your child’s
grades on FaceBook, what are you
actually doing? Are you seeking
validation for yourselves while boasting
about your child’s grades?"
Barrington Brennen
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When doing research on this topic, I came across an article
on Odyssey website entitled “Think Twice Before Posting Your
Grades.” Here is a quote I found important: “Think about the
several fellow students that read your status about your
high GPA or your Dean's list status. Several of those
students probably did not receive as high of a grade as you,
while a handful might have done better. Think of the
"average" students, who now feel embarrassed for their lower
grades, even if they worked very hard to get them. It takes
away the joy of those with lesser scores on their
transcripts, even if they should still be very pleased with
what they have earned. It undermines others when you post
your higher GPA, regardless of whether you intended to put
others down or not.”
The author further makes another key point: “When you post
your grades on social media, you are further perpetuating
the suffocating culture of comparison we live in. . . I am
not “offended” when you post your grades. Instead, I simply
feel embarrassed over my "lesser" GPA. I feel like my own
hard work means nothing when I still won't earn what society
deems perfect.”
Parents, when you post your child’s grades on FaceBook, what
are you actually doing? Are you seeking validation for
yourselves while boasting about your child’s grades? There
are some parents who do the same with birthday parties.
They would have an expensive or lavish birthday party for
their little toddlers but in the end, it is really to
display their own wealth and pride. Think about it. Is
this kind of behavior really emotionally healthy for the
child?
In another article entitled, “Parents Criticized for 'Boast
Posts' on Facebook Over Children's Exam Results,” Anna
Davis, gives another perspective. “Of course, it's fair
enough to be proud of children who've worked hard or done
well, but it's also good to be a bit sensitive about the
fact that not everyone will be in the same boat.”
Once again, it is my view that posting grades on FaceBook is
not the best for persons of any age, but more importantly,
those little ones who are in the early grades. Here are a
few more points to consider.
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When you put your child’s success on FaceBook by
putting the actual grades or grade card, you might
be adding unnecessary pressure on that child and
gradually instilling a fear of failure.
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Making public the grades will be setting the child
for an unhealthy form of competition that the child
might not always succeed in.
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Putting your child’s all “A” report card on FaceBook
might be setting up the child to think that any
lesser grade is not as good. The child can grow to
believe that true success is only measured by all
“As.” Parents, would you display your child’s
grade card with all “Bs”? I have never seen it.
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If you have more than one child and one has a very
high GPA and perhaps a straight “A” report card and
the other has a report card with all the letter
grades, will you display that report card? In
reality, doing so can cause great damage
intellectually and emotionally to both children.
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Making a high GPA or achieving all “A” is not
usually proof that one would be a good citizen or
employee. Many straight “A” achievers have
difficulty relating in healthy ways with others.
Carey Nieuwhof in the article, “5 Signs You Might be a
Boastful Parent,” shares with parents this first point I
rephrased into a question. “Are you as passionate about
people knowing about your child’s achievement as you are
passionate about your child’s achievement? Don’t get me
wrong, parents are supposed to be proud of their kids. But
pride may have won the moment when you become as passionate
about other people knowing how awesome your kids are, as you
are about your child’s awesomeness.”
Parents, being boastful is not healthy. Carey Nieuwhof
states: “Telling grandmas and grandpas, the wider family,
and some good friends (who also care about your children) is
different than trumpeting it to everyone you know or don’t.
If you feel a need to make their best moments public, you
might well be prone to boasting.”
Parents, be wise, avoid sharing your child’s private life to
the world.
Barrington H. Brennen, MA, NCP, BCCP is a
marriage and family therapist and board-certified clinical
psychotherapist, in the USA. Send your questions or comments
to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com
or write to P.O. Box CB-11045, Nassau, The Bahamas, or visit
www.soencouragement.org, or
call 242-327-1980.
