I believe that we have reached such a dilemma in our families that we must
take a second look at how our mothers and fathers are parenting. It is now time
that our government and the private sector become pro-family in regards to
policies and business practices. For instance, I believe that maternity leave
should be extended from three to six months and that fathers should have the
option of also getting six months paternity leave. This would give one year when
at least one parent will be at home nurturing the infant. Three months is not
sufficient for proper early care of a young child. The first year is when the
emotional and physical foundation is being laid in the life of the child. It is
the time when the child either begins to trust or mistrust her parents.
Internationally, more and more nations and large businesses are beginning to be
pro-family by giving longer maternity leave and paternity leave. There have been
cases when fathers have received up to one year paternity leave with full
salary. If we, in the Bahamas believe, that fathers are equally important in the
lives of their children, then we must be willing to allow the fathers to be
fathers.
I WANT A WIFE
Traditionally, men have made great demands on their wives. They have
consciously or unconsciously expected them to be doormats and servants,
forgetting that slavery days are over and that women do have minds of their own.
Here is a letter a male college student wrote to his professor describing the
type of wife he wanted. It is a sad revelation of how many men think of women.
It was published by Judy Syfers in the book "I Want a Wife":
"I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about
wife’s duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to
explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And
I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.
I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life. When my
wife and I are invited out by friends, I want a wife who will take care of
babysitting arrangements. When I meet people at school who I like and want to
entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special
meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about the
things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged
that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the
children do not bother us. And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a
night out by myself.
I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, and a wife who makes love
passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am
satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention
when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete
responsibility for birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a
wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up
my intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that my
sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to monogamy. I just, after
all, must be able to relate to people as fully as possible.
If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I
already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with the other one.
Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take the children and
be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.
When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working
and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a
wife’s duties.
My God, who WOULDN’T want a wife?"
FREE CHOICE
What a pathetic picture of a wife. If you want a wife like the one described
in the letter, I must again remind you that slavery days are over. I am
suggesting that it is wrong to require your partner to be a housewife. If it is
her free choice and desire to be at home, especially when the children are
young, then, you will not demand that she be a maid. Instead, you will both work
together by fairly dividing all household chores and sharing in meeting the
children’s physical and emotional needs. Dear friend, look for someone to love
and cherish rather than someone to cook and wash for you. Look for a wife not a
maid.
Barrington
Brennen is a marriage and family therapist.
question@soencouragement.org 242-327-1980. Nassau,
The Bahamas
