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- Dad, You’re Hurting
Me Again
Article on Incest
by Barrington H.
Brennen
Since I started publishing these articles
almost eight years ago, I have written more than four hundred and fifty dealing
with issues of moral and social development. I have discussed marital and
premarital relationships, divorce, old age, the single life, parenting,
parent-child relationship, stress, anger, forgiveness, and much more. To enable
these articles to reach a wider audience, in 1999, I began publishing them on my
web site at www.soencouragement.org.
Literally thousands of readers from around the world visit the site every week
to read articles of interest. I have observed over the past two years that the
article that gets the most attention and the greatest number of hits each week
is the article on Incest. It is entitled "Dads & Uncles, Exposing Their
Secret." It never ceases to amaze me as I check my site statistics each
week, that whatever new and interesting topic I write on, incest still gets the
greatest attention.
- THE WORLD’S GREATEST
SECRET
Why? I have come to the conclusion that
incest is one the world’s greatest, and most painful secrets. Often victims
of incest feel that they cannot share their dark, excruciating secret with
anyone. This may be because of shame, guilt, or threat from the perpetrator. On
the other hand, some perpetrators are also shameful and afraid to reach out for
help because they might be aware that their actions are criminal. So what do
these people do? In their private world, behind the shadow of locked doors,
they search the Internet. In a way like no other generation before was capable
of doing, they secretly seek answers to their dilemma and a way out of this
deep, dark dungeon, incest.
I believe that incestuous relationships
might be as common in some villages and towns as adult, heterosexual promiscuous
relationships. Incest has become an unspoken cultural tradition in many families
and town. No one asks for it. No one discusses it. No one complains about it. It
is just surreptitiously carried out. The perpetrators move toward their prey
subtly, winning the trust and confidence of the unsuspecting innocent children
before they strike with their venomous darts that leave the victims mesmerized
or stunned.
In the Bahamas and the Caribbean, incest
is very common, and the majority of the population denies that it is a problem,
or that it really exists at all. Meanwhile, thousands of our children are being
ruined for life. But many who deny it publicly are themselves victims of incest.
In some villages or towns it has become a silent expectation, and an
unforgiving, sinful requirement by fathers from their daughters. Even in our
country, many little girls are shared as playmates between older brothers,
cousins, uncles, and fathers, and step-fathers.
- A FAMILY CULTURE
In some family cultures, a daughter
having sex with dad is treated as a requirement and introduction to the real
world of adult life. Some dads say that they have to teach their daughters how
to "do it" so they can be good to their husbands.
Every medical and social agency in our
country is dealing with this dilemma. Yet many of our officials and community
leaders, are denying that fact. What will it take to put an end to this painful
conundrum? When will we ever admit as a nation that incest is destroying our
family life and the social and mental health of our children? The crime of
incest goes way back into generations in some Bahamian and Caribbean families.
Here is a real-life scenario: Thirty years ago a husband and wife gave birth to
a daughter. When the daughter reached age eleven, the father began having sexual
relationship with her. At age thirteen this daughter bore a daughter for her
father. That daughter (granddaughter) fifteen years later, also got pregnant for
the same father (her grandfather) and bore a baby girl. When this baby girl, now
the great grand child, reached the age of eighteen, she also bore a child, this
time for the younger brother of the grand father. Thus, making it three
generations of incestuous relationships. What a sad story!
Too many of our families are treating
their little girls, and sometimes boys, like sex toys. They are raped,
emotionally and physically abused, and disrespected. Many of these incest
victims eventually become socially dysfunctional. The healthy development of
their emotional and psychological lives are shot-lived. As teenagers, they may
be known as the black sheep of the family. In order to cope, they become
defiant, rebellious, and delinquent. Fathers who have sexual relationships with
their daughters are often controlling and obsessive. The outside world believes
that they are obviously disobedient children, and never knows about the real,
dark family secret. Of course, who would suspect her respected father who has a
prominent position in the church and community!
- LET’S ACCEPT THE TRUTH
Dear reader, let’s not put our heads
in the sand. We do have a very serious incest problem in our country. It is
only being allowed to continue because we have given it permission to do so.
It is certainly the Bahamian enigma. Because of our silence, many children are
being damaged emotionally and physically. Many infants born from incestuous
relationships are developmentally emotionally and/or physically disabled. This
places an added strain on the family system and the public health system. Let’s
speak up now. Parents, stop the painful acts now. Seek help from a
professional to assist in the healing process. If you are a victim of incest,
then I implore you to seek help today. Call the child abuse hotline. Family
members, report incest to the proper authorities. Doing so will preserve the
health of your family and our nation. Call the child abuse hotline now at 242-327
2980.
