In a previous article, I
presented a
short violence quiz
to help parents discover if they are being violent in to
their children. In this article, I will present an Intimate
Partner Violence Quiz to help you discern whether you are a victim or
perpetrator of violence in intimate relationships. This quiz is not intended
to replace professional assessment or treatment. It is designed to help you
think and to begin making changes in your life. Too many intimate partners
are unhappy because their self-esteem and pride have been broken by the
systematic violence in their relationships.
Intimate partner violence, also
referred to as intimate partner abuse, can be physical (hitting, shoving,
etc) or non-physical (verbal put downs, intimidation, etc). Either kind of
violence is as damaging to the emotional and physical well-being of the
individual. Below are just a few questions to help you to think about your
life.
Are You Being Abused?
Ask yourself these questions:
-
Are you frightened by your
partner’s temper?
-
Are you afraid to disagree?
-
Are you constantly
apologizing for your partner’s behavior, especially when he/she may have
treated you badly?
-
Have you ever been hit,
kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you?
-
Have you ever been forced
into having sex when you didn’t want to?
-
Does your partner push and
shove you around violently?
-
Are you afraid to break up
because your partner has threatened to hurt you, himself or herself?
-
Does your partner hurt you
while having sex?
-
Do you refrain from seeing
friends or family because of your partner’s jealousy?
-
Does your partner put you
down with shaming words?
-
Does your partner demand
you to do things for him or her?
-
Does your partner prevent
you from having friends?
-
Does your partner demand
that you stay at home?
-
Does your partner scream
and shout at you?
-
Does your partner treat you
like a dunce?
-
Does your partner get angry
if you disagree with him or her?
If you answered yes to any
or all of these questions, you may be a victim of intimate partner violence.
For further assessment and treatment, contact a professional today.
Are
You Being Abusive?
Ask yourself these questions:
-
Do you scream and shout at
your partner?
-
Do you say mean things to
your partner?
-
Do little arguments usually
escalate into fights with accusations, criticisms, name calling, or
bringing up the past.
-
Do you constantly check up
on your partner and accuse him or her of being with other people?
-
Have you forced your
partner to have sex with you or intimated her so she is afraid to say
no?
-
Have you threatened to hurt
your partner?
-
Have you threatened to hurt
yourself if your partner breaks up with you or leave?
-
Do you make fun of your
partner’s ability to do things?
-
Do you get very upset if
your partner’s work is not done when you think it should be?
-
Do you insult you partner
in the presence of others?
-
Do you tell your partner
he/she is dumb or stupid?
-
Do you become violent when
you drink or use drugs?
If you answered yes to any
or all of these questions, you may be a violent intimate partner. For
further assessment and treatment, contact a professional today.
SAFE FAMILIES SAFE COUNTRY
Our country would be safe if people were safe in their own homes. Most of
the violence exhibited outside the home started within the home. Too many
partners are physically or emotionally trapped in their own houses by
controlling, jealous, rigid partners who find overt or covert ways to
intimidate or manipulate them. No angry, belligerent, vitriolic teenager or
adult accidentally developed into a violent individual. Children who witnessed
violence usually become violent themselves or victims of violence. If we
truly want a safer country, we must first make our homes safe. Our homes
should be a sweet refuge where children and adults are treated in a spirit
of love, compassion, and understanding.
If while reading the questions above, you admitted to yourself that you are
a violent person, then it is imperative that you seek professional help. If
you know someone who is violent, do not hesitate to call a professional to
direct you in what to do. Call the nearest counseling or psychological
service nearest you.
Let’s keep our
neighborhood and
country safe.
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist and a nationally
certified psychologist. Send your questions or comments to P.O. Box CB-13019,
Nassau, The Bahamas; or call 242-327 1980, or email
barringtonbrennen@gmail.com
or visit www.soencouragement.org
