Are you
begging for a kiss? If you are, you had better watch out. You might be
kissing the wrong person and opening yourself to a very dangerous or not so
healthy relationship. Kissing can give the message: "I want more baby," and
that is not really what you wanted to say. I am referring to deep romantic
kissing where the lips and the tongue mingle together. Why am I talking
about kissing? Because I believe this sacred act is being treated too
lightly and too many are getting messed up socially and sexually through the
doorway of kissing. We are too free with kissing. We have become a cheap
society of kissing fanatics.
I believe
romantic kissing should be treated as something very sacred, special, and
exclusive. In spite of how good it feels, kissing does not reach its highest
potential of volcanic ecstasy unless the brain cells have kissed first. Too
many young people are engaging the body first before they engage their
heads. This is the kind of behavior that can lead to acquaintance rape or
date rape. About twenty-five years ago, I wrote my first article on kissing.
It was published in a university’s student newspaper in Michigan. The
response was overwhelming. Since it was a Christian campus, many teenagers
and young adults appreciated my candid and frank discussion on the subject.
One young lady said: "Thank you for helping me develop a healthy
relationship with my boyfriend. We both share the view that kissing is
sacred and were encouraged to remain faithful to our standard."
More and
more young people want to do the right thing. They want to preserve the most
intimate expressions of love for a post wedding experience. But too many of
them stand before the fires of passion hoping not to get burned. They spend
long hours kissing, rubbing up, and turning up the heat. They do not want to
have sex and get pregnant but they tearfully express, "it just happened
accidentally." That’s not an accident. That’s a deliberate, intentional
set-up when kissing-crazed individuals are allowing themselves to be held
hostage by hormonal flow.
CAN YOU KISS?
I am sure you are wondering whether or not I am saying couples
should kiss before marriage. I believe Christian couples who are courting
and preparing for marriage can and should kiss romantically before marriage.
However, they should kiss in small dosages. Limit the time and the
frequency. The longer the kiss and greater the frequency the higher the
temperature rises on the passion thermostat. It is important that one does
not kiss on the first, second, third, fourth, or fifth date. That’s
dangerous to the heart. It causes the emotional arteries to become clogged,
blocking the reasoning and enhancing sexual seduction. Even non-Christians
can mess up their choice of a permanent romantic or marriage partner by
kissing too soon and too long before marriage.
WHAT TO DO?
Let me share with you what I have been sharing with teenagers,
young adults, and courting couples over the years. Here are 10 steps towards
romantic kissing, which I suggest should take at least three months to one
year to cover:
1.
Talk, talk
2.
Talk, talk
3.
Play, play, and
talk
4.
Play, play, and
talk
5.
Bond minds
6. Hold hands and
talk
7.
Link shoulders
8.
Hold heads
9.
Kiss (Short
-- kiss is small dosages)
10.
STOP
Steps
1-4 are the most
important time of any relationship. This is the friendship period. You need
time to become friends and to play and talk together. Remember, time is your
best friend. This friendship period is not time for kissing because it will
stifle growth in the relationship. Steps 5-8 is the romantic phase.
It is during this time when those sacred words, "I love you," will be
solemnly expressed. It is a time when you like being around each other and
look forward to seeing each other on a regular basis. You have blended your
thoughts and ideas, and have definite plans for the relationships. Steps
9-10 is the kissing stage. The relationship has matured enough to share
yourself in this fashion. But you need to restrain yourself realizing your
own limitations and weaknesses. I am referring to the lip-to-lip wet
kissing. Not the light-touch-on-the-cheek kissing. Romantic kissing
(wet kissing) before marriage is risky
business if prescribed in large doses. It is one sure way of opening the
floodgates of passion which can lead you to the painful point of no return.
Restraint and control are the key words here. (Note 2 Corinthians 5:14)
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist. Readers are
encouraged to send their questions to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, Bahamas, or
email
question@soencouragement.org,
or call 1-242-327-19890. You can
use a pseudonym, if desired. Send your questions on marriage and family,
pre-marriage preparation, pre-marital sex, extra marital affairs, domestic
violence, date rape, and moral and social development.
