Love Makes No Demands

By Barrington Brennen

2000 & July 2006

Are you passionately in love with your spouse? Whenever one has a passion for something, one would do anything to obtain or maintain it. If you have a passion for mangoes, you will drive miles to purchase some. If you have a passion for leather shoes, you will spare no end to purchase a pair, perhaps even to the point of not having other needed clothing. All because you have an insatiable passion for leather shoes. It is the same way with relationships. To have a passion for your lover is to unselfishly, unreservedly, unquestioningly, and unconditionally love and serve him/her. Do you realize that some people have more passion for leather shoes than they do for their own relationships. How do we know that? We know it by the way spouses treat each other. One of the more common ways in which so-called lovers show that they are not passionately in love with each other is by the way they demand to be loved.

One of the dearest persons in the world who passionately loves her husband wrote a poem recently that speaks directly to this point. The poet's names is Ruth McKinney, of Eastern Estates, Nassau, Bahamas, and the poem is "My Love For You." Read it intently.

My Love For You

My love for you makes no demands.

I truly ask

No sweeter task

Than offering my heart in out-stretched hands.

Unselfishly I give my all

To you, my dear,

I really care.

My love is deep, yet fills the fall.

It is so wide and so profound

Still reaches high

Up to the sky,

And with no fetters can be bound.

My love for you- so strong and true-

I give it now,

With humble bow;

I proffer now my heart to you.

Note carefully the first sentence of the poem . It states "My love for you makes no demands," True love does not coerce, force, or require love. True love facilitates love. True love facilitates change, healing, and growth, but it does not demand it. If a husband passionately loves his wife, he will not require her to wash the dishes, clean the house, or stay at home to take care of the children. If a wife passionately loves her husband, she will not require that he clean the car, cook the food, or work over time. Spouses in a passionately loving relationship will do these things without a prompt, because they want to serve each other. It is always out of personal volition. I like how Ruth McKinney states in her poem: "I truly ask no sweeter task than offering my heart in out-stretched hands. " In other words, the only "demands" is what the lover places on him or her self to love the spouse unreservedly. Note carefully how another author describes love:

Love is

Slow to suspect - quick to trust.

Slow to condemn - quick to justify.

Slow to offend - quick to defend.

Slow to expose - quick to shield.

Slow to expose- quick to shield.

Slow to reprimand - quick to forbear.

Slow to belittle - quick to appreciate.

Slow to demand - quick to give.

Slow to hinder - quick to help

Slow to hinder - quick to help.

Slow to resent - quick to forgive.

Slow to provoke - quick to conciliate.

Do you love your spouse passionately today? If you are demanding that your spouse act a certain way, do certain things for you, or love you in return, then stop demanding and just love unconditionally. You will be amazed how you will want to do anything yourself to please and love your spouse.

On the other hand, you will be elated by the way your spouse responds to your unquestioning love and passion. When lovers, parents, teachers, church leaders, community leaders, understand the principle of love demands nothing, then we will have a better nation. Remember, love begets love. It does not demands it. That’s why in a Christian marriage the concept of submission is moot.