Answer: In my last article, I began sharing on this
topic. In this article I will be sharing the reasons men and women are caught
in the web of sexual exploitation. A painful truth lies at the foundation of
this problem. That is, "power" is one of the most effective sexual
aphrodisiacs. Many women are attracted to a men in leading positions whether
it be in the church, sports, politics, or the community. Let’s look at two
positions men hold to explain this point. I will use a few points from Dr.
Rutter’s book, "Sex in the Forbidden Zone."
Pastor-Congregant Relationship.
"The power of
the pastor over the congregant is tremendously enhanced by his authority, if
he wishes to exercise it, to describe to a woman her status with God. A
sexually abusive pastor can easily exploit this authority by telling a woman
that her sexual involvement is a part of a divinely ordained plan. Even
sophisticated women can have difficulty resisting this argument if they are
devoted to the religious vision that the pastor represents."
Mentor-Protegee Relationship.
The term protegee means
someone who is protected by someone older or more powerful. Hence, I am
speaking here about boss and employee relationship. "In the workplace, a
woman may find herself developing an important one-to-one relationship with
her supervisor or boss. This relationship takes on special meaning, often to
the man in power as well as the woman. He is part teacher, part confessor,
part guide. They may spend hours, even travel, together. Although the
relationship has a nonsexual purpose, fantasies of sexual contact may develop
in either mentor or protegee."
- THE DYNAMICS
- Many women who engage in forbidden zone sex talk about the
"immeasurable nonsexual value they felt that the relationship had
attained before any sexual behavior took place. They acceded to sex as a
way of maintaining a relationship that had come to have extraordinary
importance in their lives and seemed to them to open up new and
boundless possibilities for the future. . . .For women, the powerful
forces underlying the sexuality of the forbidden zone emerge clearly as
feelings of hope–hope that their deepest wounds can be healed and that
their true selves can be awakened, recognized, and brought out of hiding
into the vitality of everyday life."
Why do forbidden-zone relationships hold so much inner
power and promise? Part of the answer lies in the unique way in which they
simultaneously repeat, yet free us from the bond of our relationships with our
parents. Dr. Rutter goes on to share: "The forbidden zone implicitly
offers the women who enter it a parental quality of trust. This kind of trust
invites women to share with men who have previously been strangers the
intimacies and injuries of their bodies, their spirits, and their emotions.
With this trust men in power encourage women to believe that they will help
them toward leading meaningful, productive lives."
It seems clear that women and men who engage in forbidden zone sex are
wounded. They are seeking for answers to life. Here are four patterns of
feminine woundedness that put women at risk for sexual-boundary violations:
(1) Overt sexual psychological invasion in childhood. (2) Profound childhood
aloneness. (3) Exploited compassion (4) Devalued outer potential. I will
explain these points in Part III coming soon.
