I
usually do not reprint a quote so quickly in this
column. However, I feel compelled to share the words of
two songs I shared in February this year to the entire
nation. This time I am asking the male readers of this
column to focus on these songs. It is the 1965 song by
Hal David and Burt Bacharach: “What the world needs now,
is love, sweet love, It's the only thing that there's
just too little of. What the world needs now, Is love,
sweet love, No, not just for some but for everyone.”
Then here are the words from Bob Marley’s famous song
also written in 1965: “One love, one heart. Let's get
together and feel all right.” These songs are telling
us that the big problem facing our society today is the
lack of true love. My emphasis is the article is to
talk about the lack of loving of the males in
our
society towards the females. Let me hasten to say that
I am not talking about every male. There are loving
males in our society, but far too many do not know how
to truly love and are wounding instead of loving their
female partners.
In fact, this is the fundamental reason the United
Nations Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of
Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) has been
organized. Far too many women are being abused around
the world. We have discovered that too many men are
wounding women because they have negative views of the
role of women; and they misuse or abuse of their own
perceived power. Hence, the gender equality initiative
by CEDAW is simply to help men to love their women the
same way they love themselves, and to consider them as
their true partners in society and not competitors.
Understanding
gender equality is simply about
accepting the equal value of the women in our lives. It
is accepting that both male and female are designed by
God to have equal voice, vote, power, access and
opportunity in society and the world.
QUESTIONS TO THINK ABOUT
Therefore men, could you pause for a little while and
focus on what these songs are talking about—loving, and
more specifically, loving the women in our lives. They
are our wives, sisters, nieces, aunts, cousins,
grandmothers, mothers, girlfriends, and all other women
we work and play with. Here are the important thinking
questions: Are you satisfied with the way you love the
women in your life? Are you treating them the way you
want to be treated? Men, are you loving them gently,
kindly, and with respect? Do you love them the way you
want to be loved as men in their lives?
When Adam saw Eve for the first time, he saw his “alter
ego.” This means he saw his “other self,” someone like
himself. He did not see a competitor or someone
opposite to himself. Therefore he said to her “bone of
my bone and flesh of my flesh.” Men, how do you treat
someone who is “bone of your bone?” Perhaps I can also
ask: Would you deliberately slap, punch, hit, kick, or
curse yourself. The reality is many would dare to
think about doing that to themselves and it is down
right difficulty to do so. Therefore, why would we do
it to your “other self” I call your “equal partner?”
LOVE
I
believe that if men truly understand the meaning of love
they would not wound the women in their lives and would
have no problem understanding the importance of gender
equality.
Men, many of you, as I do, claim to be believers of
Jesus and readers of Holy Scriptures. Therefore the
passage of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 should have special
meaning to you. It is perhaps the best description of
love anywhere. Here is it: “Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud. 5 or rude. It
does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it
keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice
about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins
out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always
hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
Ironically, it is among Christian men, men who know
these texts, that are found the most abusive to the
female partners in their lives. It seems as though men
who know more of Scripture and study it the most are the
ones who hurt the most. This allowed me fifteen years
ago to discover the “formula” for violence against women
and children. Here is the formula: “When rigid
traditional family values are combined with rigid
traditional religious beliefs, there is always abuse.”
This has never failed. I have discovered that as long
as men continue to rigidly hold to the view that they
are superior to women or have a “divine right of power
over women,” the end result is always abuse. It can be
emotional, psychological, spiritual, sexual, or
physical. Statistics show us that this abuse against
women occur from the pulpit to the pew; from the
corporate office to the utility room; from the board
room to the secretary’s office; from the bedroom to the
kitchen, etc.
I
am postulating that the main reason men are hurting the
women in their lives is because they do not know how to
truly love. Men who are stanching against the promotion
of gender equality and the upcoming Gender Equality
Policy in our country are refusing to humbly understand
the true meaning of love. Men who are fighting so that
“women will not take over” are not true lovers. The
truth is when women and men truly love, no one will be
“over” the other. There will be equal power sharing.
Men, what are you afraid of? Your abuse of the
perceived power position you have placed in action has
already frightened the women in your lives. I appeal
that you humbly step back and take another look at
this. Before sin, God made both male and female with
equal authority; and that authority was not over each
other, but their surroundings instead. Since the
resurrection of Jesus, He redeemed human beings to stand
side by side as equals. He said in Christ there is no
“male or female” (Galatians
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Barrington H. Brennen |
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3:28).
MY APPEAL TO MEN
Men, my appeal to you is to understand that the upcoming
Gender Policy is simply about having guidelines to
ensure that we all love each other equally—both
genders. I think it is a shame that societies have to
establish laws to create equality and fairness in
society when just being human should be sufficient.
Because of our selfish, foolish, and arrogant
attitudes and erroneous beliefs, societies around the
world have created laws to deal with us conditionally.
If you are continuing to support the downward trend of
our society where women and children are continuing to
be degraded, you are not following the Biblical mandate
to love everyone equally. Men, I request of you to
start thinking of women as your “other self.” Would you
hurt yourself? Think about it.
PART TWO
Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist
and board certified clinical psychotherapist, USA. Send
your questions or comments to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com or
write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas, or
visit www.soencouragement.org or
call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002
